February 2010
48 posts
Getting the hang of it
Last week was overwhelming. It was my first full week back at work and it wasn’t smooth. Continued frustration with Ryan’s day care (last Thursday was his last day there yay!), over 4 hours spent in the ER one night - he’s 100% healthy and safe thankfully, followed by a bad cold and cough which he likely caught in the hospital, lots of time spent researching child care options...
Matt and Jessica don’t kid around. Brunch was amazing. Zucchini and spice muffins, chocolate chunk orange muffins, cheesy eggs, brown sugar glazed bacon and berries. Not to mention mimosas and espresso.
Yesterday, Ryan unswaddled himself during every nap. Clearly this was on my mind, because last night, I dreamt that he unswaddled himself while we were sleeping. And then he stood up and crawled down from his crib. In my dream, I found him sitting on the nursery floor eating a box of chocolates and leafing through an issue of Saveur Magazine, from which he’d torn a photo feature on felt...
Is it wrong that the fact that a nanny applicant has an active MySpace account is enough for me to discount them, regardless of the content?
I forgot how I loathe entering my time. Why do I always leave it for Sunday night? Some things never change.
The more I get to know Ryan, the more astonishing it is that he’s the same baby who was inside me not so long ago. I think back to special moments during the pregnancy - the first time I felt him move; the evenings Steve and I would spend lying on the living room floor, his hand on my belly waiting for another kick; Ryan’s frequent bouts of the hiccups (which have only abated very...
Today I enjoyed one of the most decadent treats. Ryan accompanied me to a baby shower, and since he missed his nap, he fell asleep on me. This is a very rare treat and I relished every second of it. The sound of his breath and the occasional sigh, his smell, his silky hair pushed up against my cheek. I’ve missed him madly this week, and those moments filled my heart.
Remember when I said I was finally going to take out my sewing machine a few weeks ago? Well, this is what I made - embellished cloth diaper burp cloths for a few expecting friends. So easy, and a great way to get back into sewing. Now to see if I can find the time to do a bigger project…
I made it through my first week back at work. For the most part, when I’m at the office and focused on the task at hand, I’m fine. I miss Ryan. I ache for him. But I enjoy my job and am preoccupied.
In the evening, however, I have time to think about how much I miss him. He’s in his crib for the night by 7pm. I miss him more now than I did all day.
On top of this, I’ve...
The Cast Against Breast-Feeding
I read this article when it originally ran and forgot how much I like it. I’ve loved nursing Ryan, but regret beating myself up for nearly 2 months over an insufficient supply. I tried nursing for hours on end, pumping at crazy hours of the night, deep breathing, herbs, teas, prescription drugs. I saw a lactation consultant five times. She was amazing, but none of this helped. All of this...
We survived! Steve accompanied me to drop off Ryan this morning for moral support. It made a huge difference. Work is a little crazy, as usual. It feels like I never left. I was surprised to find myself missing my pregnant belly. Last I was there, I always had my little friend within reach.
The day went better than I expected. However, when I arrived at daycare, Ryan was sobbing. They said he...
A public thank you to my mommy! Not only did she give us a Valentine’s date out by watching Ryan, but today she ferried us to the mechanic so I could get my car. I’ve really leaned on her lately. Most recently as I deal with mixed emotions in heading back to work, and generally over the past 4 months as I’ve learned to be a mom. I love you!
Here’s Ryan in one of his happy...
Though I’m on Tumblr, tonight I should be: Folding laundry (since I can no longer do it during the day), straightening my hair (so I don’t have to get up super early), packing a lunch (see previous note). Having to be productive after dark is going to be a significant shift for me. Nice to see you again, procrastination. Can’t say I’ve missed you.
The countdown continues. Tomorrow is my last day of leave. I’m trying to stay positive. I think my biggest fear about daycare is that he won’t be sufficiently appreciated. I know it’s a great daycare, he’ll make friends, be safe, learn a lot, etc. But they won’t feel their heart swell each and every time he smiles at them the way we do.
Steve in a nutshell
Me: What’s on your bib, Ry? I see helicopters, airplanes, cars and monsters!
Steve: I think this is an allegory for our current economic climate. Helicopter Ben Bernanke, terrorism, the decline of the American auto industry. It’s scary stuff, Ryan. Scary. Stuff.
Love is in the air
All this talk of Valentine’s Day has me very excited! It’s my favorite holiday, I think because I expect nothing. It’s an excuse to dote on Steve and drink wine. And if he returns the favor, all the better (of course, it doesn’t hurt that he’s incredibly romantic and shares my low-key and fun view of V Day).
Last year we stayed in and I made him dinner - baked...
Last night, as I drifted off to sleep, I heard Ryan coo in his sleep through the monitor. I lied there trying to imagine what his voice would sound like when he first calls me “Mommy” and tells me he loves me.
First thing in the morning is one of my favorite times of day. Ryan produces a huge grin each time I appear above his crib. He smiles with his entire body, pulling his knees up and balling his hands into little fists. He’s almost as happy to see my face as I am his.
Thank you!
Thank you OhDollyPop, ciarrakohn, loveroo and Kristey for the kind words and wisdom. I felt a little better when I picked him up. The two hours apart were filled with worry, but seeing him happy and getting another chance to visit with the daycare workers was reassuring. He visits again on Thursday morning, and then will go Wednesday and Thursday all day next week while I’m at work....
I dropped Ryan off for a 2-hour visit at his daycare today. More to get me acclimated to the idea of leaving him there, than for his sake - he’s pretty flexible still. Ugh. I thought it’d be totally easy breezy, since I knew this wasn’t the real thing. I could barely. hold. it. together. And my normally smiley boy wasn’t loving it. I tried to appear very cheery because a) I...
I never thought I’d say this, but THANK YOU KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN! Amalah posted on AlphaMom about Kourtney’s complaint that OK! doctored a photo of her to make her appear slim 7 days post-partum. They even photoshopped the baby! Ryan is 4 months old, and my body is NOT 100% “back to normal”. I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but this makes me feel better.
WatchWe had the video camera ready for Ryan’s first foray into solid food yesterday. This may not be interesting enough to warrant 4 minutes and 30 seconds of viewing from anyone not related to Ryan, but I think it’s downright adorable (aside from the sound of Roscoe tapping around in the background).
4 tags
One of my favorite memories from the past year is learning that we were going to have a baby boy. Neither Steve nor I had a preference or a ‘feeling’, but we were eager to know. The ultrasound was scheduled for my 19th week of pregnancy. By then, we’d spent countless hours looking at nursery bedding and dancing around the topic of names - we’d decided that we’d wait...
Ryan turned 4 months today. I was looking forward to learning how much he weighs. He’s more than DOUBLED since birth, and now weighs in at 13 lbs, 3 oz (he was 6 lbs, 2 oz at birth). My little boy is getting so big!
His pediatrician suggested that we start him on rice cereal. While I’m very much looking forward to making food for him and introducing him to new flavors, too soon!
I miss the way Ryan used to let out a sweet “ooh” after sneezing. It’s like he thinks he’s too old for that kind of cuteness already.
Look, Ryan. It doesn’t work for Brett Michaels, and it’s not working for you. No one believes you’ve got a full head of hair under that hat.
I melt when Ryan smiles at me and cups my chin in his little hand.
Butternut squash and chicken curry
I had big bowls of butternut squash and chicken curry waiting for us after a cold and wet run tonight. This could easily be made vegan - just leave out the fish sauce and swap vegatable for chicken stock.
Recipe adapted from
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 onion, thinly sliced
3 lbs. butternut squash, peeled and chopped into 1/2”-3/4” pieces
1 cup chicken stock
1 jalapeno, minced
3...
